Author of 'My Big Fat Fat' — A funny book about Dieting.
I love black, in my mind, it hides a multitude of sins, bulges and blobs and gives me a bit of confidence.
Willow's winter plumage is in full swing now. She looks like that poison-spitting dinosaur from Jurassic Park.
PENIES - is that plural of PENIS?
I did a cookery video yesterday with a wonky eyebrow and lipstick that looked like it was applied while drunk and in a wind tunnel.
Ooh, these knickers are nice, wonder why I haven't worn them in a while?
84f for the past couple of days, which means I've retreated into the closet under the stairs. The perfect place to blog, let me tell you.
'The evolution of exercise: craze > drudgery > abject hatred
That choice has changed to ‘how many layers of clothing would prevent the cats from eating me, when I die of cold’.
You know it's too hot outside when your measurement of whether or not to go outside and do adulting is whether or not you have to put a bra on…
It smells like your Granny's talcum powder flouffer - you know, the one with the great big feather puff in a pink plastic pot.
Slept with my cat last night. Woke up with her on my head. Probably crying on my haircut from HELL.
'It has a really nifty applicator and feels really cool when applied - instantly calming my skin that quite often looks like I've been dragged behind a car on my…
It didn't matter to me that I hadn't been signed by Random House or Penguin Books. I'd achieved something. I'd accomplished something, and it was truly from my heart that…
The epilator is good too, and it has a light on it, in case I want to wake up at midnight and epilate.
I bought the cats a water fountain last week. They saunter past it with the contempt it deserves. The bastards.... #humor #blog #lifestyle #funny #MyBigFatFat
My skin is white that if I bared skin, I'd permanently damage your retinas.
Note to self: find a yacht thief. Agree to go halves, as long as I can have the Chippendales on the sun-deck.
Cutting your grass while wearing flip-flops turns your toes green.
I'm finding myself saying 'What the-' far far too many times.
I've tackled another room at Casa Del Hoarding Bitch, this time, the cupboard under the stairs.
I bought more plants to kill last week: Penstemon 'Raven' - which I already had but died because I either didn't prune it / at the right time.
Well here we are then, on what feels like the gritty, slimy chaotic decline into Christmas, a period of gluttony and debt and hypocr- Oh hold on, too goth? Yeah,…
Thank goodness, as I was being mistaken for Aunty Em from Wizard of Oz.
I'm only considering clearing/cleaning out the truck of my car because I took my car for a valet this week and saw the guys face when he opened it.
The Dogs of 2017 pic.twitter.com/X1du1d59gC — WeRateDogs™ (@dog_rates) December 29, 2017 Completely off topic, but had to share this!! Happy New Year
The thing had some weird nose-flaps which close over your nostrils when you breath in.
It's been 39 degrees this week. Even blinking makes me sweat.
I promise not to turn you into Hannibal Lector.
You know you're old, when you buy 4000-grit sanding paper and some LOPPERS
It's definitely the sweetcorn. Not the Turkish Delight I'm eating right now with my coffee. At 7.30am. #LifeGoals