My skin is white that if I bared skin, I'd permanently damage your retinas. #humor #blog #lifestyle #funny #MyBigFatFat
'It's the next best thing to having a gingerbread house. Or a shoe.'
'...cranky, smelly old ladies with the social skills of a hedgehog and breath to match?...'
'I have a nasty habit of getting my boobs out on absinthe. On account of the fact I'm pushing fifty, I think it's time to retire the old girls.'
'I think I have brain-pixies. They're like sock-fairies. On crack.'