I did a cookery video yesterday with a wonky eyebrow and lipstick that looked like it was applied while drunk and in a wind tunnel.

Well here we are then, on what feels like the gritty, slimy chaotic decline into Christmas, a period of gluttony and debt and hypocr- Oh hold on, too goth? Yeah, I went a bit too goth there didn't I?

She was about to buy some face cream from a dodgy site that probably had rat secretions and armadillo spit in it.

Ooh, these knickers are nice, wonder why I haven't worn them in a while?