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Portrait of woman with giant seashell on her head
My Big Fat Blog

Author Blog: Unicorns and Clothes Hangers – My Week in List Form

As usual my luvlies, here’s how my week went, in no particular order:

Portrait of woman with giant seashell on her head
  1. Well, ya know, I was going to open with some British remark about the weather, but that would be entirely too predictable. I typed “Melting” in Pixabay and got this. I thought it was more newsworthy. Art, eh. Ill never get it.

2. By the time you read this Ill be driving back to Somerset for more walks on the beach and sitting around with family. It’s my birthday on Monday, so I’ve given myself permission to not be sitting in my house alone on that day. Not because I don’t like being alone, but I DO think drinking alone is a bit sad, and I fully intend to have a little tipple over the weekend.

3. I experienced a Unicorn moment the other day, when a guy visited my house to give me a quote for some work. Living alone as a woman means that any trades-person who visits my house quotes me a grand. For anything. It’s a grand. That’s just a fact of my life. Change a light bulb: grand. Paint a wall: grand. This one was so overwhelmed with my womanly charms, he under-quoted me. Then spent the next half an hour looking for ways to up the price. He must have realized it the moment I fell on my arse in shock.

Stress Check Face Mask by Thisworks
Stress Check Face Mask by Thisworks

4. Mask of my week! yay! it’s back! (only because it’s hotter than hades outside and most of my masks are in the fridge!) This weeks mask extraordinaire is the ‘Stress Check Mask’ by ‘Thisworks’. It has a really nifty applicator and feels really cool when applied – instantly calming my skin, that quite often looks like I’ve been dragged behind a car on my face.

It’s ridiculously expensive but ya know, it feels like it’s doing something nice. And I tend to sleep in it too so if that’s your thing, then this is your thing. It STILL doesn’t beat Body Shops Vitamin E mask.

I’d have to wake up looking like I’ve been Photoshop’ed for that to be toppled off the top spot.

5. What did I de-clutter this week, I hear you ask? Well my lovely (p.s. – you’re looking fucking fabulous today! did you change your hair?) I was in the guest bedroom, marveling at how I manage to have so many pairs of jeans when I only actually wear two. I found a sack of clothes-hangers – about seventy of them. I didn’t expect anyone to want them but I put them up on marketplace anyway, for free. Well, they were picked up that very hour. Yes, I thought that too. People are strange.

6. Scary creepy moment for me recently. If any of you have cats, you know that they are eminently capable of scaring the living poop out of you just by staring at one spot so intensely that you wonder what they are looking at. So, one day I left one of my ground floor front windows open with the child lock on so it only opens about two inches. Up in bed that night, Fluffy-Butt was staring intensely at the staircase from the foot of my bed, until I was compelled to turn off my happy vibes to try and hear what she was so interested in. Didn’t hear anything. The next morning the front room window had been pulled from the outside, ALL the way open (it was horizontal). My neighbor since tells me that a while back there was a series of break-ins along our street. Since then I’ve been tactically placing brooms and trip-hazards here and there. Home Alone 7: The Spinster.

Kathy Bates in Movie The Fan - my week in list form

7. It’s definitely the season for iced coffee, something I’m awfully good at making actually. Pop round and I’ll make you one. (just don’t climb in through the window or you’ll get a broom in the face and a cast iron poker to your shin). Ooh, just got visions of Kathy Bates in The Fan. Shudder.

8. I tend to know when something’s funny. It’s when I laugh so hard I stop breathing briefly. This week, it was this:

Why do I laugh SO hard?

9. I was interviewed Live this week at Discover Your Path U – you can find it here. Please #replay so I know you stopped by!

10. Quote of the Week:

‘God’ will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.

ELBERT HUBBARD
Author Blog: 3D Book Cover 'My Big Fat...Fat' by Samantha Dee - Buy my book here!

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How was YOUR week?

Sammy also writes and teaches at DYPU | Sammy on Facebook

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Author of 'My Big Fat...Fat' out now on Amazon

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