If you find a lipstick or nail colour you love, BUY TEN. Mac 'Feel So Fine' and Chanel 'Cobra' I'm talking to you, you TOTAL bastards.

I don't even know what phase of lockdown we're in, although I think it might be 'You can visit a Llama farm and use your skateboard' phase. Neither of which are appealing, so feckit, I'll just stay in.

Solstice is coming, guys. This means that Christmas goods will be in stores next week and my sister will start her countdown.

In reality you've got women looking out of the window asking themselves 'Is it worth putting a bra on for?' and then going back to de-seeding the squash that they grew from a repurposed sock drawer.

'..isn't there a thing in the Constitution that allows the citizens to rise up against a tyrannical government? I'd go look it up - because Trump's next photo-op is setting light to it in the Rose Garden.

I always feel like there's some creative endeavor I'm missing out on, like painting my eyeballs, piercing my wrists or tattooing my ankles with the sharp end of a rusty spoon.