Dear Universe: ya know, if ya stop fricken waking me up at night, I could do better.

It's never going to end well; death by Rice Krispies, well, not glamorous is it?

My skin is white that if I bared skin, I'd permanently damage your retinas.

It's the next best thing to having a gingerbread house. Or a shoe.

Cranky, smelly old ladies with the social skills of a hedgehog and breath to match?