My Big Fat Blog

My Week in List Form

Gluttony and Landing Strips..

As usual my luvlies, in no particular order:

1. You, yes YOU over there, don’t be so crude. Ew, stop that thought right there! You’re all hideous.

2. How is it Friday already? Where did the week go? Only a moment ago it was Monday; and other related opening remarks. What-o! 

3. Well here we are then, on what feels like the gritty, slimy chaotic decline into Christmas, a period of gluttony and debt and hypocr- Oh hold on, too goth? Yeah, I went a bit too goth there didn’t I?

4. My neighbor over the road has already put up the lights she stole from the airport runway. Everyone’s power flickers when she turns them on and a couple of light aircraft have landed at the bus stop.

5. Three weeks into my transition to a plant-based diet. Yesterday I bought egg-replacer powder. Which is good in two ways: one: it hasn’t come out of a chickens arse, and two: it will end my OCD of buying boxes of eggs and stacking them up in the fridge for when I don’t use them. And then chuck them out. In which case I’ve stretched a chickens arse for no reason whatsoever. I know, too early for that visual. ~snicker

6. I had an ultra-realistic nightmare the other day after I had flopped over and fallen asleep in the chair (you know you’re old when…). I had murdered a family member! the nightmare wasn’t about the murder but afterwards when I was watching the body being brought into the house for pre-funeral viewing and me trying to figure out whether anyone knew it was me and whether I felt guilty or not. Thoroughly horribilis. I’ve definitely been watching too many Dateline Murders.

7. Mask of the week is, surprise, not a mask! It’s a face oil. Back when I could, I’d get tons of free samples of stuff since I spent so so much money on cosmetics and lotions and potions (I’m still on the mission to use up what I’ve already got; year long and counting!) giphy-7I bought  full-size version of Clarins ‘Huile Santal’ which is suuuuperb in the winter. Anyway I ran out and I’m now into the teeny cute sample pots. Rubbing oil on your face sounds utterly gross, I get it. But this definitely absorbs into my flaking winter dragon-scale face. Any oil would I suppose. Once I’ve used all this up I’m switching to coconut oil! (‘cos I’m a tree-hugging hippie).

8. Dexter can literally eat a bowl of food in the seconds it take me to put his bowl down, grab my cup of coffee, sit down and take a sip. One day I’ll time him. I swear he doesn’t come up for breath!

9. Over on my Facebook page I’m doing a Live ten minute ‘Monday Meditation’ every Monday from now til Christmas. Beanbags and incense not required. Although if you have incense, make sure it’s ‘Opium’. Smells jolly decadent. The real thing is on my bucket list, if I get ‘terminal’. We’re all terminal really aren’t w- OH MY GOD! TAME YOUR INNER-GOTH, WOMAN!.

10. Quote of the week:

“YOU are not fat. You HAVE fat. Stop defining it as who you are.”

How was YOUR week?

Author of 'My Big Fat...Fat' out now on Amazon

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