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My Big Fat Blog

10 Excuses why there ISN’T a ‘My Week in List Form’ this week

What-o, chaps and chapesses, here we go then. Now Sam, you can’t say the usual thing, remember you’re not writing a ‘My Week in List Form’ this week. Because,

1 – It’s been 39 degrees this week. Even blinking makes me sweat.

2 – Some weeks I don’t actually do anything interesting, funny or noteworthy. Because it’s too hot.

3 – Since it was 39 degrees, I had to go through the trauma (read: amusement) of watching my cats become broken. I’m using one of them as a floor mop now.

4 – It’s been so hot I put the garden sprinkler on – then periodically walk up to adjust it – that’s how adults ‘play in the sprinklers’ – it’s stealthy.

5 – Since it’s been 39 degrees, my auntie has been letting me know about the blissful cool breeze she’s getting down on the coast. Thanks Aunty, love you!

6 – It’s too hot to pack a bag and drive to said coast. Did I mention its been thirty fricken nine degrees?

7 – Weird phrase stuck in my head this week, ‘It’s hotter than a snakes belly’ – who knows, it’s probably from a movie.

8 – If I’m going to do anything funny, interesting or noteworthy, I’d probably have to wear a bra. And it’s too hot for that shit.

9 – I haven’t slept very well. And when I do, it’s because an industrial-strength fan has been blowing in my face. This in turn has dried my eyeballs so badly I couldn’t blink this morning.

Quote of the Week:

Everything has a natural explanation. The moon is not a god, but a great rock, and the sun a hot rock.

Anaxagoras

How was YOUR week?

Author of 'My Big Fat...Fat' out now on Amazon

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