My Big Fat Blog: Just Call Me Grasshopper – My Week in List Form

My Big Fat Blog: As usual my luvlies, here’s how my week went, in no particular order:

1. Just recently qualified as a Master Mindfulness Practitioner. I’m going to be teaching it. SO excited! Me, a teacher! Just call me Grasshopper.

2. More interviews and whatnot this week, gotta pay the bills honey.

3. I believe I’m the last person on the planet to have purchased a sat nav. I’m getting old, you see. Or lazy. One of the two! In complete rebellion I got the cheapest on I could find, not even new, reconditioned! (My Sister will faint at this. ME, BARGAIN HUNTING?!)

4. Stubbing one’s toe on a wooden box enables me to speak a WHOLE ‘nother language.

5. Just finished burning down another £47 scented candle. One of my guilty pleasures next to expensive coffee.

6. Things you didn’t know about me #987236: I often poodle around the house chuckling to myself, thinking of funny things to write. Then when I sit down and ‘poof!’, I’ve forgotten them.

7. Another massive spider (not a grasshopper) just waltzed across the room while I am typing this. Listen, I’m as blind as a bat, so I know, when I actually see something out of the corner of my glasses, it’s fricken huge. Excuse me while I go do the heebley jeebleys.

8. This means I have to clean under this sofa I’m sitting on tomorrow. Anyone want to help? I know I’m going to find a great alien nest of arachnids pulsing over a big slimy hairy spider egg. I tried, I literally TRIED to like them and be kind to them. But no … GET TO THE CHOPPA!

9. Nope. Strike that. Spider just ran straight towards me, I jumped up and over my computer cables and ran into the kitchen and.it.followed.me. So I’m now sitting here with a vacuum, a broom and some bug spray, JUST so I can finish this article. I hope you’re happy.

10. There’s no mask of the week this week, because I’m sitting here with a vacuum, a broom and some bug spray. Having a mask on my face right now means I’ve crossed over into the realm of a psychotic episode entitled ‘two cans short of a six pack’. I don’t know what just made me think of this chic. Extra points if you can name the movie.

Quote of the week:

How was YOUR week?

About Samantha Dee, Author and Writer

Samantha Dee is the Author of ‘My Big Fat…Fat’ and ‘The Thirty Day Wellness Journal’. Her next book, ‘My Big Fat…Kitchen’ is due out soon.

When not writing books and blogging in her comedy lifestyle blog My Big Fat Blog, Samantha uses her twenty year tech career and has written several online courses for business startups.

She lives in Hampshire with her two cats and is still waiting for Gerard Butler to call. Learn more:

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