My Big Fat Blog: Just Call Me Grasshopper – My Week in List Form

My Big Fat Blog: As usual my luvlies, here’s how my week went, in no particular order:

1. Just recently qualified as a Master Mindfulness Practitioner. I’m going to be teaching it. SO excited! Me, a teacher! Just call me Grasshopper.

2. More interviews and whatnot this week, gotta pay the bills honey.

3. I believe I’m the last person on the planet to have purchased a sat nav. I’m getting old, you see. Or lazy. One of the two! In complete rebellion I got the cheapest on I could find, not even new, reconditioned! (My Sister will faint at this. ME, BARGAIN HUNTING?!)

4. Stubbing one’s toe on a wooden box enables me to speak a WHOLE ‘nother language.

5. Just finished burning down another £47 scented candle. One of my guilty pleasures next to expensive coffee.

6. Things you didn’t know about me #987236: I often poodle around the house chuckling to myself, thinking of funny things to write. Then when I sit down and ‘poof!’, I’ve forgotten them.

7. Another massive spider (not a grasshopper) just waltzed across the room while I am typing this. Listen, I’m as blind as a bat, so I know, when I actually see something out of the corner of my glasses, it’s fricken huge. Excuse me while I go do the heebley jeebleys.

8. This means I have to clean under this sofa I’m sitting on tomorrow. Anyone want to help? I know I’m going to find a great alien nest of arachnids pulsing over a big slimy hairy spider egg. I tried, I literally TRIED to like them and be kind to them. But no … GET TO THE CHOPPA!

9. Nope. Strike that. Spider just ran straight towards me, I jumped up and over my computer cables and ran into the kitchen and.it.followed.me. So I’m now sitting here with a vacuum, a broom and some bug spray, JUST so I can finish this article. I hope you’re happy.

10. There’s no mask of the week this week, because I’m sitting here with a vacuum, a broom and some bug spray. Having a mask on my face right now means I’ve crossed over into the realm of a psychotic episode entitled ‘two cans short of a six pack’. I don’t know what just made me think of this chic. Extra points if you can name the movie.

Quote of the week:

How was YOUR week?