A chapter from my book ‘My Big Fat Fat’ (2018)
A humorous and touching account for those losing or coping with excess weight. With her laugh-out-loud humor, Samantha Dee covers all subjects from beauticians to socks in this easy to read A to Z guide on weight loss, maintenance, and ways to nourish your self-esteem.
A is for… Acid Reflux
If you eat enough crap for long enough, your body is going to really hate you. One of the ways that this hatred manifests is through acid reflux.
It’s literally pure stomach acid, bubbling up in such an angry way that it works its way up into your mouth, usually while you’re asleep. It’s basically your body trying to kill you while you sleep.
You’ll wake up with a choking reflex, and this absolutely foul acid in your mouth. It’s vile, scary—painful because it burns your esophagus—and it takes hours for the hideous taste to go away. Although cookie-dough ice-cream helps.
Mine tends to flare up if I eat anything even remotely spicy. I think the worst episode I had was when I was driving to work the morning after I’d eaten some spicy food.
There I was, eighty-miles-an-hour on the motorway in commuter traffic, singing out loud, when, ‘whoosh!’ stomach acid.
It scared me half to death because it usually just happens when you are horizontal. Plus, I was driving at the time. Perhaps it was the Bon Jovi on the radio.
I pulled into the nearest service station, and bought half a litre of that pink gunk you can drink to settle your stomach. You know, the stuff that tastes like liquorice cement.
When I arrived at work I sat calmly and ate two bananas, (bulky enough to drag the taste of acid back down, and there’s nothing in bananas that’s likely to aggravate my insides).
How lady-like; I feel I’ve reached the very epitome of femininity.
It has been over a year since I’ve eaten anything spicy (not something you forget twice, I should add), and I know that my self-treatment works, in case it happens again.
In the long term, if this keeps happening, I will see a Doctor. That stomach acid isn’t supposed to ‘be’ anywhere else other than the stomach, and I envision it doing some great damage elsewhere.
Oh, and if you are feeling ‘pukey’, it’s always best to eat something you don’t mind bringing back up again.
Sounds gross, but hey, if you’ve ever hurled up a tandoori-chicken, you’ll know what I’m talking about.