A chapter from my book ‘My Big Fat Fat’ (2018)
A humorous and touching account for those losing or coping with excess weight. With her laugh-out-loud humor, Samantha Dee covers all subjects from beauticians to socks in this easy to read A to Z guide on weight loss, maintenance, and ways to nourish your self-esteem.
F is for… Falling Off the Wagon
I don’t really fall off the wagon. It’s more of a fall off and get dragged behind the wagon for a while situation.
I can literally have an almighty epiphany and lose weight sensibly for months, but then I’ll have, say, a week off over Christmas where I allow myself some un-counted days – then the week turns into a couple of weeks, and getting back on the wagon becomes difficult.
Its then when the excuses start rolling in:
I’ll start next week;
I have stayed the same so I’m okay; and ultimately,
I can handle this on my own.
I wonder sometimes if I’m ever going to learn that I just can’t, and of course by the time I do, I’ll have put on all the weight I lost.
My best friend started her weight loss before me, had the same time off at Christmas, and then, unlike me, got straight back on the wagon.
She’s now a size sixteen, which is awe-inspiring. Last time we met; her resolve convinced me to do something about my weight.
A few weeks in, I felt amazing. I felt that something had truly changed in my mind – I lost almost forty pounds. And then…I fell off that wagon.
I fell off that wagon even after I bought some pants and cried because they fit.
I fell off that wagon even after doing a double-take at myself in a mirror because my belly had shrunk so dramatically.
I fell off that wagon even after I’d fly up a flight of stairs and not be out of breath at the top.
Why, why, why?
A hypnotherapist once told me that I’d taught my brain that ‘failing is normal’. Since then, I’ve read other books about how the brain works and how habits are formed, which I’ll cover briefly in another chapter.