A chapter from my book ‘My Big Fat Fat’ (2018)
A humorous and touching account for those losing or coping with excess weight. With her laugh-out-loud humor, Samantha Dee covers all subjects from beauticians to socks in this easy to read A to Z guide on weight loss, maintenance, and ways to nourish your self-esteem.
M is for… Mirrors
A few years ago, I had a friend stay over and we were getting ready to go out.
‘Do you have a mirror?’ she asked, as she took the towel off her head.
‘Nope. No mirrors here.’
She stopped in her tracks.
She had that look on her face, as if she just realised I was a serial killer.
Thinking back to those days I did almost definitely have something wrong with my head.
I went through a phase of cutting the tickets out of every piece of clothing I owned. One of the reasons for that was, I told myself, that I’d once seen a relative inspecting the ticket on something of mine.
In reality, I think it was because I didn’t want to be reminded how overweight I was every time I got dressed in the morning.
I should mention that I didn’t go around my house and remove all the mirrors, I just didn’t have any.
Perhaps that’s another subconscious thought—not reminding myself of my current state.
These days, practising self-kindness, and meditation, has definitely ‘chilled me out’ in that regard.
I have mirrors now, well, ‘head and shoulder’ ones, and I am considering buying a full-length mirror.
I think it would be good to stand in front of a full-length mirror and re-connect with parts of my body I haven’t seen for years. Literally years. How sad is that.
It’s all me, after all. And day by day I’m learning that, I love me.
So, when I can, I’m going to buy a full-length mirror, stand in front of it, and have an out-loud conversation with my parts.
I have an overwhelming desire to thank all the parts of my body for all the shit I’ve put it through, and renew the relationship I have with it.
And, maybe we’ll have a good cry. Yes, we’ll do that.