Book - My Big Fat Fat by Samantha Dee - Available Worldwide at Amazon
Books by Samantha Dee,  My Big Fat Fat

S is for Self-Esteem

A chapter from my book ‘My Big Fat Fat’ (2018)

A humorous and touching account for those losing or coping with excess weight. With her laugh-out-loud humor, Samantha Dee covers all subjects from beauticians to socks in this easy to read A to Z guide on weight loss, maintenance, and ways to nourish your self-esteem.

Book – My Big Fat Fat by Samantha Dee – Available Worldwide at Amazon

S is for… Self-Esteem

‘I am worth knowing.’

Self-esteem could be described as how you might see yourself: your evaluation of your own worth.

Whether you are overweight or not, external or internal events can have a detrimental effect on your self-esteem. At one point, I felt that I was so fat that I didn’t deserve to be ‘part of the world’, and just walking amongst people made me feel chronically ashamed of my appearance. I got over that with a lot of therapy.

Self-esteem is a part of everyone’s ‘makeup,’ as such, I don’t want to cover too much here – that would most likely require another book.

However, I will relay to you an intensely personal piece of work that I did during the time I was in therapy. I was asked to write things down that defined who I was and to do it quickly without thinking too much about it.

I did it, to such great affect that it moved my therapist to tears because the parts of my personality displayed by what I’d written were hidden by my lack of self-worth. I hope it instils in you some inspiration:

‘My name is Samantha. I like wearing black. I’m always on a diet. I like swimming. I ate glass things when I was a kid. I did a Ouija in my boss’s office once. I publish vampire stories. I’ve had my drink spiked. I run a website. I get a weird ache in the pit of my stomach when I think of the sea. I like heavy metal. When I was four I loved a mohair scarf that I was inseparable from. I like red lip-gloss. I’ve seen and had a conversation with death. I like VAST. I like unravelling old tangled necklaces. I like tattoos. I like teaching people things I know about. I can ride a quad bike. I’ve smoked cannabis. I like to sleep. I like picnics. I like men’s shoulders. I drive too fast. I like flowers that see fit to grow on the side of a busy road. I like New Orleans. I like reading books. I like silver. I was pregnant once. I like shocking pink and electric blue. I’ve had sex in the strangest places. I like jade. I like Absolut vodka. I like throwing my summer party. I like breaking software. I like last minute camping trips. I like snow. I like sea horses and scuba diving. I died once. I used to eat daisies. I can ride horses. When I was eight, I got an Iron Maiden single for my birthday. One day I pulled the tail off my pet gerbil by accident. I like waking up with someone. I like the first chill of autumn. I’ve taken coke. I like purple. I’ve seen a ghost. I like the smell of wet stone after it’s rained. I’ve only ever worn a bikini once. I like the feeling you get when you lay in a field in the middle of the night and stare up at the stars. I once had my hand pierced. I stabbed myself in the back on a tree swing when I was eight. I taught myself to read music. I like sausage-dogs. I dream about killer whales for reasons known only to my subconscious. I’d go back to sucking my thumb, but it’s never the same as when you were four.’

See also: Anxiety

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