A chapter from my book 'My Big Fat Fat' (2018). Please like, share and follow your indie authors!
I can't find the paragraph about the rules addressing whether I can visit a fancy dress shop via a pogo-stick using only B-roads accompanied by my aunties sister's second cousin's budgies babysitter twice removed. So, as always, feckit, I'll stay in.
er-flosser charged and filled with mouthwash, I switch it on without reading any instructions and realise I had no idea how to turn it off.
For those of you who have read this far and now have a deep concern for a spinster in lockdown surrounded by toothbrush chargers and laughing at the sound of her own voice, I just want to declare at this point, that I'm FINE. My prescriptions are still getting filled.
A day before lockdown, I got invited out to lunch for the first time this year. This meant a major operation to wash, put on underwear and stay awake for more than three hours. You'd be proud, I did it all.
I woke up at midnight needing to pee, drifted off back to sleep and dreamt that I got up for a pee. I startled myself awake again and actually got up for a pee, before I peed in my sleep. Yep, folks, that's how old I am.