My skin is white that if I bared skin, I'd permanently damage your retinas.
I think I have brain-pixies. They're like sock-fairies. On crack.
It's definitely the sweetcorn. Not the Turkish Delight I'm eating right now with my coffee. At 7.30am. #LifeGoals
How about I make you throw up for three hours after lunch then?
I bought the cats a water fountain last week. They saunter past it with the contempt it deserves. The bastards.... #humor #blog #lifestyle #funny #MyBigFatFat