er-flosser charged and filled with mouthwash, I switch it on without reading any instructions and realise I had no idea how to turn it off.

For those of you who have read this far and now have a deep concern for a spinster in lockdown surrounded by toothbrush chargers and laughing at the sound of her own voice, I just want to declare at this point, that I'm FINE. My prescriptions are still getting filled.

A day before lockdown, I got invited out to lunch for the first time this year. This meant a major operation to wash, put on underwear and stay awake for more than three hours. You'd be proud, I did it all.

I woke up at midnight needing to pee, drifted off back to sleep and dreamt that I got up for a pee. I startled myself awake again and actually got up for a pee, before I peed in my sleep. Yep, folks, that's how old I am.

If you find a lipstick or nail colour you love, BUY TEN. Mac 'Feel So Fine' and Chanel 'Cobra' I'm talking to you, you TOTAL bastards.