Goodbye, Mercedes, goodbye. It feels like Thursday. What? It's Friday?

As usual my lovelies, here’s how my week went, in no particular order:

mini project this week to tame the eyebrows...

I can't find the paragraph about the rules addressing whether I can visit a fancy dress shop via a pogo-stick using only B-roads accompanied by my aunties sister's second cousin's…

er-flosser charged and filled with mouthwash, I switch it on without reading any instructions and realise I had no idea how to turn it off.

For those of you who have read this far and now have a deep concern for a spinster in lockdown surrounded by toothbrush chargers and laughing at the sound of…

A day before lockdown, I got invited out to lunch for the first time this year. This meant a major operation to wash, put on underwear and stay awake for…

I woke up at midnight needing to pee, drifted off back to sleep and dreamt that I got up for a pee. I startled myself awake again and actually got…

If you find a lipstick or nail colour you love, BUY TEN. Mac 'Feel So Fine' and Chanel 'Cobra' I'm talking to you, you TOTAL bastards.

I don't even know what phase of lockdown we're in, although I think it might be 'You can visit a Llama farm and use your skateboard' phase. Neither of which…

Solstice is coming, guys. This means that Christmas goods will be in stores next week and my sister will start her countdown.

In reality you've got women looking out of the window asking themselves 'Is it worth putting a bra on for?' and then going back to de-seeding the squash that they…

'..isn't there a thing in the Constitution that allows the citizens to rise up against a tyrannical government? I'd go look it up - because Trump's next photo-op is setting…

I always feel like there's some creative endeavor I'm missing out on, like painting my eyeballs, piercing my wrists or tattooing my ankles with the sharp end of a rusty…