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My Big Fat Blog

Knickers and Incinerators – My Week in List Form

My Big Fat Blog: As usual my luvlies, here’s how my week went, in no particular order:

1- Song stuck in my head #873: The theme from ‘The Ranch’ on Netflix. Yes, I’ve been bingeing again. Because Sam Elliott and Ashton Kutcher! #Lifegoals #noregrets #bucketlist

2- This week I voluntarily de-cluttered the closet under the stairs. I also realise as I write this, that when I say de-clutter, I mean ‘move stuff around the house’. Which is not really the same thing, is it? Although, I did chuck out a year-old bag of potatoes. Pondering now on the reason I bother buying them.

3- Despite thirty years of shaving, waxing, epilating and plucking, I still occasionally look down at my legs and say ‘JESUS!’ There must be SOME advantage of being this old. (and secretly, wondering whether to keep it as winter plumage?)

4- I’ve bought one of those garden incinerators. It looks like a quadriplegic version of The Tin Man from Wizard of Oz. Now you know what I’ll be whistling while I’m chucking stuff in it.

5- Spent all week pouring alcohol down the plug hole. Considering I’ve barely had two alcoholic drinks this year, I really don’t need a trunk full of hooch. I’ll be keeping back the bottle of vodka though in consideration that there are undoubtedly shitty days in my future. There always is. Oops, went a bit goth there didn’t I?

6- Film titles I never thought I’d see in my lifetime: ‘Zombies and Carpet Fitters’ What the-?

7- Ninety six days until Christmas. Just sayin’.

8- I got the milk in this morning and stayed out there looking at the sky pre-sun up; a beautiful dark petrol-blue colour. Watched a couple of people walk by to go catch their train and reminisced about London in Winter. Then realised I probably should not be standing outside with my wobbly bits scantily clad in a tee shirt and knickers. What the fuck, I’m old. There have to be some perks.

9- Did I mention my second book is out Nov 29th? Well it is, and you can pre order it now. So ya know, hint hint nudge nudge.

Quote of the week:

“The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.”


How was YOUR week?


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